Q&A: I’m having a strange reaction to my partner’s semen. What’s happening?

Posted on January 18, 2016 by Kaylee Wolfe · Leave a comment

A reader asks…

When my partner ejaculates in my vagina, it’s pretty uncomfortable–itchy and burny. We’ve stopped doing that, but I’m a little weirded out. Does this happen to other ladies out there with male partners?

To answer your question right off the bat: Yes, what you’re experiencing does happen to other people. There are a few possible causes, but the specifics of what you’re describing lead me to believe that one particular explanation may be more likely than the others.

This is not my theory, but I've been on a roll with Mean Girls gifs lately and want to keep that party going.

This is not my theory, but there is pretty much no situation for which I do not have a Mean Girls gif on deck.

Before I share my theory, however, I want to make an important disclaimer: I am not a medical expert, and what I have to say is no substitute for medical advice. My intent is to provide you with some information and resources about what might be going on, but I strongly recommend following up with a physician or nurse practitioner to get a more definitive answer and hopefully some options for feeling better in the future.

Now that that’s out of the way, let’s get to it.

I would be remiss if I didn’t first acknowledge that itching and burning sensations in the genital area are a common red flag that can indicate a sexually transmitted infection. It’s important to get tested at least once per year, and more regularly if you have multiple partners. If you’re unsure of your STI status, I definitely recommend making an appointment to get checked just to be safe.

While it’s certainly possible that an STI is the culprit in your situation, the fact that you’re only experiencing discomfort after your partner ejaculates inside of you leads me to think that something else might be going on. Seminal plasma hypersensitivity (SPH), known more colloquially as a semen or sperm allergy, is a little-known but very real phenomenon that impacts up to 40,000 women in the United States. It occurs when a person’s body has an allergic reaction to one or more of the proteins found in semen. SPH varies in severity from person to person, but the most common symptoms are pain, discomfort, itching, burning, or swelling in or near parts of the body that have been exposed to semen. Sometimes the reaction spreads beyond the area that was directly exposed, and people experience hives or rashes all over their body. In extreme cases anaphylaxis, a life-threatening allergic reaction that compromises the airway, can also occur.

Just look at those smug little bastards swimming around without a care in the world.

SPH can manifest in a number of different ways depending on a person’s body chemistry and level of sensitivity. Some people with SPH experience reactions to all semen, while others find that they react to one partner’s semen but not another’s. Some people experience a reaction the very first time they’re exposed to semen, while others develop a sensitivity to it later on in their sexual life. The good news is that SPH doesn’t appear to leave behind any lasting effects once the discomfort of the reaction wears off, and it does not have a negative effect on fertility.

Because it is a fairly rare condition, SPH is often misdiagnosed or written off as an STI or other bacterial infection. If you suspect that you have SPH, it’s important that you share your concerns with a medical care provider that specializes in gynecologic health. You also may need to advocate for yourself to ensure that they are fully considering all possible causes for what you’re experiencing, including SPH. SeminalPlasmaAllergy.Org, a website created by a woman with SPH to provide resources to others who have the condition, offers a free screening questionnaire you can take to evaluate your symptoms. It may be useful to bring along the results of the questionnaire to your medical appointment to use as a jumping-off point for conversations with your healthcare provider.

Unfortunately there’s no cure for SPH, but there are strategies for managing it. One solution that you’ve already discovered is avoidance, or preventing exposure to semen in the first place. The most effective way to achieve this is consistent condom use. The early withdrawal method (AKA “pulling out”) may also work for some couples, but depending on your level of sensitivity to semen the small amount of fluid your partner releases before ejaculating could still cause a reaction.

There is also some research out there about the effectiveness of a treatment called intravaginal graded challenge, wherein solutions of diluted semen are introduced into the vagina at set time intervals. As time goes on, the concentration of semen present in the solution gradually increases, building up the patient’s tolerance for exposure. When successful, the treatment results in desensitizing the body to the proteins in semen which cause the unwanted reaction, thereby making it possible for a person to have unprotected sex without discomfort. Research on this treatment is promising, but in order for the effects to be long-lasting repeated exposure to semen (i.e. very consistent sexual contact) is necessary.

Thank you for sharing your question. I know that this isn’t the most cheerful of theories, but I hope that the information I’ve provided is useful nonetheless. Please feel free to reach out to me with any follow-up questions via my Contact page (or just message me on Facebook if we know each other in person).

Have another question you’d like me to tackle? Submit it here!

Q&A: My period is late, but I don’t think I’m pregnant. What could be up?

Posted on December 22, 2015 by Kaylee Wolfe · Leave a comment

A reader asks…

My period is a week late, but I don’t think I’m pregnant. I’ve had penetrative vaginal sex twice in the last month, and used condoms (successfully, I think) both times. I have been pretty stressed though. Any ideas what could be up?

First things first: Take a deep breath.

Late or missed periods can be incredibly stressful, even when it seems like pregnancy isn’t a likely cause. While pregnancy is probably the best-known cause of amenorrhea (the medical term for missed menstrual cycles), it’s definitely not the only one. Let’s break down some of the possibilities and (hopefully) put your mind at ease, or at least give you some ideas for next steps in trying to figure out what’s up.

It may be useful to know that there are three natural life events that will temporarily or permanently halt a person’s menstrual cycle: Pregnancy, breastfeeding, and menopause. The last two don’t seem to be part of the puzzle here, so we’ll set them aside for now. I’ll address the possibility of pregnancy later on.

Outside of those natural causes, there’s a whole range of reasons why someone’s period might be delayed or stop altogether. Here are some questions to consider:

Are you stressed out? Mental and emotional stress can have a significant impact on many systems and functions within your body, including menstruation. Significant changes in your usual routine and environment such as travel, moving, a new job, and other big life events can also cause your body to hold off on menstruating or skip a period entirely.
Have you been sick recently? Physical illness can compel your body to delay ovulation (the release of an egg from your ovary) until you’re healthy enough to sustain a hypothetical pregnancy. Because ovulation is a key component of the menstrual cycle, delayed ovulation = delayed period.
Have you experienced any changes in your weight? Rapid or unusual weight gain or loss can cause hiccups in your usual menstrual cycle. People with low body weight are also prone to irregular or missed periods, and in extreme cases may stop having periods altogether.
Have you changed your exercise routine? An increase in the amount or intensity of physical activity that you engage in can delay or interrupt your menstrual cycle. That’s why some athletes who engage in regular, rigorous activity have infrequent or nonexistent periods.
Have you started taking any new medications lately? Some meds can influence your period, so if you’ve started taking anything new recently it’s worth a quick Google search to see if “changes in menstrual cycle” is listed as a side effect. It’s not just birth control that can affect your period – many drugs that have nothing to do with the reproductive system can have unexpected effects on menstruation.

This list of questions is certainly not all-inclusive, but it does cover some of the most common causes for a delayed or missed period. Outside of these factors, there are some medical conditions that can manifest in part as interruptions in a person’s menstrual cycle such as polycystic ovarian syndrome (PCOS) and thyroid disorders. If delayed or missed periods are an unusual occurrence for you and you aren’t experiencing any other strange symptoms or pain, those causes are less likely. If you have any doubts or concerns, however, or if you continue noticing unusual changes in your menstrual cycle or experience additional symptoms that are out of the ordinary for your body, I strongly recommend consulting with a medical care provider. Even if all they do is set your mind at ease, that’s a worthwhile clinic visit.

Speaking of setting your mind at ease, let’s talk about something that might be freaking you out a bit: The possibility of pregnancy.

Since you used condoms both times you had vaginal sex in the last month, your chance of pregnancy is significantly reduced. And that’s a great thing! But while external (or male) condoms are a fantastic way to bring down your risk of both STIs and pregnancy, they’re not 100% effective. With so called “perfect use” – meaning that the condom is pristinely made and stored and then used in exactly the right way – external condoms are 98% effective at preventing pregnancy. Unfortunately, we’re not perfect people all the time and we don’t live in a perfect world. The “typical use” effectiveness rate – a figure which takes into account the likelihood of human error – is 82%. That’s still pretty awesome compared to the alternative of just winging it without protection, but there’s certainly room for accidents to happen.

So what makes the difference between perfect use and typical use? When it comes to external condoms, there are a number of possible factors. Condoms are simple to use with practice, but their correct use is a bit more complex than many people realize – especially if the sex ed they received didn’t teach them everything they needed to know. Here’s a great video from Planned Parenthood that explains all the steps:

It is also important to note that pre-ejaculate (often referred to as “pre-come”) may contain sperm. While the concentration of sperm found in pre-ejaculate is significantly smaller than that found in semen, it only takes one sperm reaching an egg to cause a pregnancy. This means that if in the course of your sexual activity any pre-ejaculate or semen got in or near your vagina, pregnancy is possible. For example, if you and your partner’s genitals touched before or after a condom was used (perhaps while making out or cuddling), or if you touched your partner’s penis and then touched yourself at a time when pre-ejaculate or semen were present, those activities could theoretically lead to pregnancy.

The best way to determine whether or not you may be pregnant is, of course, to take a pregnancy test. Even if you’re confident that you’re not pregnant, sometimes taking a test to confirm can set your mind at ease enough to reduce your stress level – and since stress is a potential cause of delayed menstruation, that may even help bring on your delinquent period! Most pregnancy tests become effective on the first day of your missed period, so you’re well within the range where a standard home test will be accurate. And there’s no need to splurge, because unless a person is trying to detect pregnancy before their missed period dollar store tests perform just as well as the expensive brands do. You can also visit a family planning clinic like Planned Parenthood for a test if you prefer, just be careful to avoid deceptive crisis pregnancy centers.

While taking a pregnancy test has the power to greatly reduce your anxiety if the result is negative, the anticipation and uncertainty tied up in the act itself can create its own stress. If you decide to take a pregnancy test, try to make arrangements to ensure that you have the support you need. Do you want a friend, partner, or family member to be with you the whole time? If you would prefer privacy, is there someone you can make a plan to call or talk to if you need support afterward? Is there a comforting activity, like taking a bath, eating a good meal, or getting a spa treatment you can schedule for yourself later in the day, regardless of the outcome? As in all situations, it’s important to take care of yourself in whatever way works for you.

Figuring out the cause behind a delayed or missed period is never fun, especially if you’re a sexually active person concerned about preventing pregnancy. To help avoid these situations in the future, I highly recommend exploring your options when it comes to birth control. No matter what your lifestyle or personal health needs are, there’s almost certainly a method out there that will work for you. And when you pair birth control with condoms for dual protection against STIs and pregnancy, it’s a match made in sexual health heaven. To learn more, I highly recommend Bedsider’s awesome birth control method explorer.

Thanks for your question, and I hope that this has been helpful! Please feel free to reach out to me with any follow-up questions via my Contact page (or just message me on Facebook if we know each other in person).

Have another question you’d like me to tackle? Submit it here!

Ask Me Things!

Posted on December 18, 2015 by Kaylee Wolfe · Leave a comment

You’ve got questions about sex. My blog needs content. Let’s help each other out.

Use the form below to anonymously submit all your burning sex and relationship questions. If you don’t have anything specific to ask, that’s cool – feel free to just list some general topics that you’re interested in learning more about, and I’ll see what I can conjure up for you!

Well-researched, judgment-free answers will be posted right here at Birds, Bees, and Birth, so stay tuned for upcoming Q&A posts!

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10 Things That Anti-Choice Protestors Have Actually Said To Me

Posted on October 31, 2015 by Kaylee Wolfe · Leave a comment

In honor of Halloween, I’d like to share some truly scary stories from my experiences as a patient greeter at a health center that offers abortion care.

For anyone unfamiliar with what it means to be a greeter, I volunteer to escort patients into the building when protestor activity is present outside. Our goal is to be a supportive presence for people trying to access healthcare as they navigate what can be a chaotic and hostile atmosphere. We never speak to or engage with the anti-choice protestors who line the sidewalk outside the health center with big, horrible, and often inaccurate signs, but that doesn’t stop them from hurling near-constant verbal abuse at us and the patients we are there to assist. Sometimes the things they say are so ridiculous that it’s tempting to laugh. But it’s hard to find their antics funny when you think about the long history of violence against clinics and abortion providers, including the recent series of arson attacks against Planned Parenthood health centers and the murder of Dr. George Tiller in 2009.

That capacity for violence is always in the back of my mind when I’m escorting patients. It’s hard not to be a little bit frightened by the very real possibility that something awful could happen in my own town. But until people can access healthcare–including abortion–freely and without intimidation, there will be a need for greeters and escorts like me and my wonderful co-volunteers. So out the door I go.

What follows is a sampling of real things I have heard during my time on the sidewalk, face-to-face with some of the most extreme members of the anti-choice movement.

Imagine being yelled at by all these people on your way to get a pap smear. Not cool.

“Five minutes after you start burning in hell, you’re going to remember my face and wish you had listened to me.”
“You’ve been corrupted by porno and sex with men who aren’t your husband.” Oh, man. Is it really that obvious? Please don’t tell my parents.
“Look at you, standing there in your pink vest in defiance of God’s will. And for what? A free coffee and an organic blueberry muffin!” For the record, we don’t receive anything in exchange for volunteering, so that particular protestor totally pulled this one out of his ass. He went on to preach about the evils of organic muffins as some sort of symbol of the liberal agenda for over an hour. In the words of one of my colleagues, “What does he have against organic muffins? Doesn’t he know that in Jesus’s time, everyone ate organic?”
“You’re a militant lesbian who slaughters babies.” It’s amazing how much protestors think they know about you when you’ve never spoken a word to them.
“You’re too young and too pretty to have so much blood on your hands.” Um…thanks? Surprisingly, this is only the second weirdest compliment I’ve ever received.
In reference to how we push the doors shut behind patients to muffle the sounds of the protestors yelling at them: “It’s just like the doors to the gas chambers of Auschwitz.”
Because I once made the mistake of asking to pet a passerby’s cute dog: “Oh, so you love dogs but not babies? What would you do if I walked a pregnant dog out on this sidewalk and cut open her belly? Would you be upset then?”
“You’re a vessel of destruction, and I am a vessel of mercy. God will delight in destroying you.”
“God is a sniper and he has a big red target on all of your foreheads.” Seriously dude, what Bible are you reading?
“Some people say that if abortion is made illegal, women will die from botched abortions. Good! Let them. The back alley is where murderers belong.”

Contrary to what they would have you believe, the people who gather on the sidewalk week after week to shout awful, cruel, and downright crazy things like those listed above are not “compassionate sidewalk counselors” interested in presenting people with “help” and “options.” They are angry, hateful individuals who want to force their ideas about religion and gender on others using intimidation, shame, and–if they have their way in the courts and legislature–the law.

And what’s most terrifying of all is that in many parts of the country, people like them are winning.

Happy Halloween. Let’s do something about it.

RIP Buffer Zone ):

Why Synthetic Underwear Is a Terrible Idea

Posted on June 24, 2015 by Kaylee Wolfe · Leave a comment

Spoiler alert: I’m about to talk about vaginas.

Julianne Moore is a goddess, end of story.

If you’ve ever seen The Vagina Monologues, you’ve probably heard the monologue “My Angry Vagina.” It’s one of the classics, and I’m pretty sure it’s included in the script every year. In it, the woman speaking goes on an impassioned and hilarious rant about the many demands, expectations, intrusions, and products forced upon the modern vagina. It’s funny and frustrating to listen to because everything she says is true, but one thing the monologue doesn’t mention is the stupidity and negative health effects of underwear made out of synthetic materials.

Earlier today I stopped by Target to replenish my personal store of 5-for-$20 Xhilaration hipsters, which have been my personal undergarment of choice since puberty. They always have a decent selection of cute (or sometimes just cute-ish) patterns, but out of those my choices are often cut in half by the presence of several pairs made out of weird, nylon/polyester/spandex, faux-silky feeling materials. This makes my vagina angry.

The intensity of my vaginal rage might seem a little over the top, but it’s for a good reason. Those synthetic fabrics are actually really bad for vaginas, and in my humble opinion shouldn’t be used to make underwear at all.

The vagina is an amazing, self-cleaning and regulating body part. Part of its efforts to keep clean and maintain an ideal balance of microorganisms involves producing discharge, which is usually clear or white in color when a person is healthy. The amount and frequency of discharge varies from person to person based on a variety of factors, but any individual with a vagina can tell you that things can get pretty damp in crotch-town; hot summer days in particular can turn your downstairs into a rainforest-like environment. And you know what absolutely loves damp, warm environments? Bacteria.

Underwear made of synthetic materials doesn’t effectively wick moisture away from the skin. Instead, it tends to trap it there. To make matters worse, synthetic materials are less permeable than natural fibers, making it difficult or impossible for air to pass through and dry things out. Basically, they drown and suffocate your crotch, creating a breeding ground for bacteria that can cause or increase your risk of skin irritation, urinary tract infections, and yeast infections, not to mention just make you feel swampy and gross. Nobody wants that.

Vaginas need to breathe and stay as clean and dry as possible to do their thing effectively and minimize the risk of infection, and that’s why I only buy underwear that’s 95-100% cotton. Silk (and by that I mean 100% real silk) is also pretty decent, but it’s expensive. Cotton is the great equalizer of vaginal health.

For bonus points, you can also consider sleeping naked. There are potential health benefits for people of all body types, including better quality of sleep, weight loss associated with lower levels of cortisol in the body, increased emotional and sexual intimacy for couples, and, of course, improved vaginal health. As Nicole Prause, a research scientist at UCLA, puts it, “[S]leeping naked would reduce the ability of those (always-present) bacteria to overwhelm the normal healthy vaginal flora.”

So in summary, wear cotton underwear and consider giving sleeping naked a try. Your normal, healthy vaginal flora will thank you.

giphy

My Menstrual Cup and I: A (Complicated) Love Story

Posted on April 5, 2015 by Kaylee Wolfe · 1 Comment

On multiple occasions, I’ve been approached by both friends and relative strangers and asked about what it’s like to use a menstrual cup. Although this might seem like a strange topic for casual conversation, it’s never bothered me. Considering the generally vagina-friendly vibe that I try to exude, it’s really not surprising when someone standing behind me in line for the Café happens to think, Oh look, there’s Kaylee, campus sex educator/doula/vagina enthusiast. She looks like the sort of person who would prefer a Diva Cup over Tampax. I’ll ask her about it.

But while the questions aren’t unusual, unfortunately I’ve never had much to offer in the way of personal experience. Sure, I could explain general concept of a menstrual cup–a small, flexible receptacle made of a body-safe polymer such as silicone designed for collecting menstrual flow. I could talk about some of the benefits, too: They need to be emptied less often than pads or tampons must be changed, are more eco-friendly, and cost less in the long run because they can be reused cycle after cycle. In a theoretical manner I could even walk through the steps of how to insert and remove the cup, and describe where it would sit anatomically while inside the body. But I couldn’t actually talk about what it was like to use one.

Until now, that is.

Let me explain: Continue reading →

It’s #GivingTuesday!

Posted on December 2, 2014 by Kaylee Wolfe · Leave a comment

Now that Thanksgiving, Black Friday, and Cyber Monday have passed, the time is right to give back. Currently in its third year, #GivingTuesday is an annual campaign that encourages people to donate to organizations and causes they believe in on the Tuesday after Thanksgiving. This year I’m proud to support two organizations in particular: Speak About It and Backline.

Educating, empowering, and entertaining students since 2009.

Speak About It is a nonprofit organization that brings performance-based sexual violence prevention education to college and high school campuses across the country. This fall alone, Speak About It’s message of affirmative consent and healthy sexuality reached over 25,000 students at more than 20 schools. The performance teaches practical skills for bystander intervention, names local support resources for survivors and their loved ones, and helps to start valuable conversations about sexual assault that can then be sustained and supported by other campus programming throughout the year. I had an incredible time working with Speak About It as an intern last summer, and am so looking forward to continuing to support their mission both today and throughout the year to come.

For non-judgmental, all-options pregnancy support, call 1-888-493-0092.

Backline is a toll-free service that provides non-judgmental, all-options counseling and support for people facing issues related to pregnancy, parenting, abortion, and adoption. They offer information and resources to support all decisions and provide support for people at all stages of their experience. With a strong dedication to inclusivity and a respect for all of the unique experiences, feelings, and circumstances that may play into a caller’s situation, Backline’s amazing volunteer phone advocates have been providing this invaluable service for ten years. Now is a particularly exciting time to support Backline as they gear up to open their first brick-and-mortar All-Options Pregnancy Resource Center in Bloomington, Indiana. I am so grateful that a service like Backline exists for people seeking support related to pregnancy, parenting, abortion, and adoption, and can’t wait to hear about the amazing work that their new space in Indiana is sure to do!

I am passionate about the causes that both of these organizations represent, and the issues they deal with are close to my heart. Speak About It and Backline have touched thousands of lives, and that’s why I’m proud to be supporting them this #GivingTuesday. If you would also like to support one or both of these nonprofits, click here for Speak About It and here for Backline.

Trusting Women: Why I’m a Pro-Choice Doula

Posted on November 15, 2014 by Kaylee Wolfe · Leave a comment

A modified version of this piece was recently published as an op-ed in The Orient, Bowdoin College’s student newspaper. This is the text as it was originally written, with links added for context.

I love birth. It may seem like a strange passion for a college student to profess, and perhaps an even stranger thing to say at the beginning of an opinion piece about abortion, but I’ve learned to own it. I have an entire bookshelf devoted to pregnancy guides, midwifery texts, and labor support manuals. I think and talk about birth every day, and most of my academic and professional choices are now made with my future goal of catching babies as a midwife in mind.

I keep this picture from the first birth I attended in my bag of doula stuff as inspiration. It still makes me teary sometimes. I am a super big nerd about this.

Last winter, I took my love of birth to the next level by becoming a trained birth doula. This means that pregnant women and their partners hire me to support them through the labor process, helping to ensure that they have the most positive experience possible. While we doulas have many useful skills, our most important job is simply to respect and trust the women we serve. We talk with them about their hopes and desires for the birth, and we hold those things sacred. We help them advocate for the things they want and the care they deserve, even if it is not what we would choose for ourselves. We trust women, and they trust us in return.

It may sound obvious, but this is no small thing. In a society where women’s bodies and identities have been relentlessly pathologized and denigrated by both male-dominated medical institutions and wider social patriarchy, trusting women is a truly radical act. So now, let me draw my own line in the sand.

I love birth. I am a doula. I trust women to make their own decisions. And that means I also trust them to know when being pregnant and giving birth is not what is best for them, no matter the reason.

Unfortunately, there are many in our country who do not trust women. Since 2010, more than 200 pieces of state-level legislation restricting access to abortion have been passed—that’s more than became law in the entire preceding decade combined. Clinics have been shut down and abortion providers have been forced out of practice or intimidated with threats of violence. Low-income and rural populations have been hit the hardest by these changes; on average, American women must now travel 30 miles to reach an abortion provider, and 6% of women seeking abortions must travel more than 100 miles.

Pro-life activists like Kristan Hawkins claim that they care about women’s health, but their goal is ultimately to restrict women’s control over their own bodies. They think that they can make better decisions for women seeking abortions than the individuals themselves, and resort to using bad science and misinformation to legitimize their efforts.

For example, Hawkins and her organization often like to claim that a majority of Americans believe that abortion is wrong. But this statement asks people for their personal opinion, not what they think should be law. In reality, national polling data from Gallup reveals that only 21% of Americans believe that abortion should be made illegal in all circumstances. Hawkins’s conflation of personal feelings with policy preference is at best an honest misunderstanding of how to interpret survey data, and at worst a deliberate attempt at misleading audiences. Either way, she would do well to check her sources.

The truth is that abortion is one of the safest routine medical procedures performed, period. Under the supervision of a competent healthcare provider complications occur at a rate of less than 1%, and when they do occur they are manageable. What is dangerous is our country’s current trend toward making safe and legal abortion more and more difficult to access. Already, there have been reports of some women in southern Texas crossing the border to Mexico seeking medications to self-induce abortions because they no longer have access to safe and legal services at home.

Shuttering abortion clinics and pushing providers out of practice is clearly not the answer. If the goal is to decrease the number of abortions, comprehensive sexuality education and expanded access to effective contraception will yield much more positive results. In fact, the abortion rate has already been declining in recent years, in part due to the increased popularity and expanded accessibility of long-acting, highly effective birth control methods such as the IUD and implant.

I love birth, but it should always be a choice. Women should have the means to avoid pregnancy when they want to and the right to end a pregnancy should their efforts to do so fail. Trusting women means letting go of judgment and allowing them to make the decision that is right for them, even if it is not the decision we think we would make under similar circumstances. And that is one of many reasons why I am a pro-choice doula.

Abortion Restrictions and the Civil Rights of Pregnant People

Posted on November 9, 2014 by Kaylee Wolfe · Leave a comment

This week, Kristan Hawkins, President of Students for Life America, is coming to speak at my college. Since learning about her impending visit a month or so ago I’ve been cycling through a range of mixed feelings, not the least of which is a kind of morbid curiosity about what she might have to say. I intend to expand on these feelings as well as debrief her actual visit in a future post, but for now I’d like to share an excerpt from a timely New York Times article that popped up on my Newsfeed this morning.

Kristan’s visit has had me thinking about many issues related to abortion recently. While Bowdoin is generally a very left-leaning campus, from what I have observed as both an everyday student and a peer sex educator there seems to be a fairly low baseline knowledge of what abortion actually is, or what wider implications the right to choose has on women’s lives in American society. In “Pregnant, and No Civil Rights,” co-authors Lynne M. Paltrow and Jeanne Flavin of National Advocates for Pregnant Women expand the conversation about abortion restrictions by discussing the negative impacts of personhood legislation on pregnant women in general-–not just those who are seeking abortions. As someone who is both staunchly pro-choice and passionate about pregnancy and birth, this piece seemed to bring together many of the disparate threads of thought and conversation I’ve been having over the last few weeks.

No matter the intended outcome of a pregnancy they carry, women are human beings entitled to basic human rights and civil liberties. This extends beyond the right to have a safe and legal abortion to countless other issues, including the right to choose home birth, the right to refuse to give consent for a given medical procedure or intervention, and more. In addition to making abortion more difficult to access, abortion restrictions and personhood legislation are endangering the rights and limiting the choices of all pregnant people by criminalizing choices and circumstances outside the legal conception of ‘ideal’ for carrying and delivering a fetus.

All too often, the fight for reproductive rights is reduced to simply “the abortion issue.” But abortion does not occur in a vacuum. True reproductive freedom is impossible when any one aspect is compromised by the interference of government or other special interests. Women, like all people, deserve unconditional control over what happens to their bodies. Pregnancy is not an excuse to void their most basic rights.

If you’re interested in reading more about the threatened civil liberties of pregnant people, I encourage you to check out the op-ed piece linked above and quoted below.

“If we want to end these unjust and inhumane arrests and forced interventions on pregnant women, we need to stop focusing only on the abortion issue and start working to protect the personhood of pregnant women.

We should be able to work across the spectrum of opinion about abortion to unite in the defense of one basic principle: that at no point in her pregnancy should a woman lose her civil and human rights.”

–Lynne M. Paltrow and Jeanne Flavin, “Pregnant, and No Civil Rights“

Six Tips for Facilitating Conversations

Posted on August 24, 2014 by Kaylee Wolfe · Leave a comment

Since I began training other students to become peer sex educators last year, I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about how to teach others to facilitate conversations. It’s not an easy skill, and in spite of having gained lots of practical experience over the last couple of years I would be lying if I said that even I find it easy. Especially when you’re leading a group into conversational territory that may be contentious, emotionally fraught, or just plain uncomfortable, being an effective facilitator is always a new puzzle each time you step into a situation.

Facilitations are essentially moderated discussions. The goal is to create a space where people feel comfortable sharing and discussing their experiences, feelings, and opinions with others in a way that promotes respect and empathy and builds toward mutual understanding. The role of a facilitator is to foster that process by providing structure and context, mediating any conflicts that arise, and helping the group to draw connections between their different perspectives and the wider world. Facilitations shouldn’t always end with everyone in agreement––in fact, diversity of opinion is a wonderful thing in these situations. Instead, group members should ideally leave with a sense that they have been heard and respected, as well as with a strengthened appreciation and respect for the viewpoints of others. Occasionally, facilitated conversations can even be a catalyst for group action or meaningful change.

A couple of weeks ago I gave a facilitation skills training to this year’s Speak About It cast members (pictured above), and all throughout the summer I’ve been working on writing and editing the facilitator’s guide for The Sex Project in my spare time at home. Because I have a tendency to get a little verbose when explaining things to others, I decided to challenge myself to boil down the things I’d like to say to these new facilitators in as few key points as possible. What I came up with are the following six tips for effective facilitations, in no particular order.

Continue reading →